POEMS

(Written By Lyndie Sorenson)

(I believe these poems express what is really in the hearts of many grieving parents, and I would carry this pain for eternity for one more day with Val...Sheila )

POEMS LOVINGLY WRITTEN BY LYNDIE SORENSON IN HONOR OF HER SON JOEY-BORN JAN. 5TH 1982 AND PASSED AWAY JULY 19TH 2003

A mother's worst nightmare
A mother's worst fear
To live on without you
Each day and each year

No words can express
How my heart misses you
Unless you have lived this
You haven't a clue

Tears meet me each day
There is heartache and pain
Life is not living
I am physically drained

It doesn't get better
Doesn't just go away
We don't just move on
As so many might say

I have heard all the answers
From those that don't know
They have said it is time
I must simply let go

I pretend I am listening
And sometimes I nod
But I continue to live life
With my great facade

No one can see it
I hide it so well
It's my little secret
I have learned not to tell

The pain in my heart
That I carry inside
Will always be with me
It will never subside

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
March 2007

 Somehow
The years have moved by quickly
You've been gone for nearly five
Each day has been a struggle...
But somehow I've survived

I miss your smile and your laughter...
Your hugs, and your sweet kiss
Been left with only memories...
Somehow I still exist

It's not been easy to continue
I've been captive to this grief
Losing you has caused such sorrow...
Days, months, years of no relief

I don't expect to ever heal...
As so many have professed
To get better... to get over it
As many do suggest

I live with this inside me...
Hidden from the world outside
Coping daily, or denying...
Since that tragic day you died

I suppose I do seem better...
To those that have no clue
For they really haven't noticed...
I somehow just make it through

Unless you've walked within my shoes...
You cannot begin to know
That my heart will hurt forever....
Even if it doesn't show

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
©June 2008

Another Anniversary
Another anniversary of the day that I lost you
It’s really very simple that day I lost me too
Although I try to find the me, that I used to be
I will never find that person for she is lost to me

I know it sounds confusing to those that have no clue
That when you lose a child, you also then lose you
It sounds like one big riddle that I should work on through
But there is not an answer… not one thing I can do

Grief is what has come to me, and changed me from within
It has burrowed deep inside of me, just like a second skin
No one should live on this way, but there was little choice
When grief was handed out to me I didn’t have a voice

I often wonder who I am since losing my sweet child
In this world in which we live in, I’ve been forced into denial
With every anniversary that marks another year
Are thoughts that come from others, that my pain should disappear

I am a mother that has lost a child on a tragic day
With that loss it took my dreams and visions far away
I would have chose to leave instead, for life is not so good
For all that ever mattered was my son… and motherhood

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
Copyright July 2007

 Timeless Grief
It's endless, it's timeless this thing called grief
Changes life forever ... this terrible thief
Comes into your life without being asked
Leaves you feeling empty...and living life masked

It takes away your dreams and leaves your heart crushed
You keep it very hidden, for others want it hushed
Like a dreaded cancer, it eats at your soul
When grief comes into life... it really takes control

Tears come out of nowhere when living with this thief
Years come and go, without much relief
Only those that live it can truly understand.. .
how difficult it is to hear that maybe this was planned

A picture or a memory can start it all again
Life with this great enemy causes such great pain
It doesn't care you suffer, doesn't back away from you
Grief will walk beside you, no matter what you do

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
© copyright Sept 2008

Life

Life is difficult at best
Losing you can't be expressed
Grief and pain lies deep within
It has become my second skin

Although it seems that I am fine
I truly balance a fine line
Each day I try to do my best
Wonder if life is some test

Only those that live with this
Understand we just exist
Wake each day to hide again
Living life with all this pain

Even though I laugh and smile
I have mastered my denial
Time has helped me learn to cope
When I lost you, I lost my hope

These words are written from my heart
Which in a moment blew apart
I lost you on a tragic day
Life has change in every way

So those that think I'm over it
Or that I somehow will forget
Have never walked within my shoes
Never lost someone like you

I will forever grieve for you
While others will not have a clue
That losing you took part of me
And I will never, be set free

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
© 2008

Life as I Live It
Sleep does not come easily
With thoughts of missing you
My days are spent denying
What it is I've lived on through

Grief continues on each day
Within my broken heart
Questions race within my mind
of why we are apart

There is no getting over it
No magic pill to take
Living with this nightmare
I so wish were a mistake

I won't be getting better
as so many have proclaimed
I pretend my life is different...
as if I'm playing some strange game

I want to scream from rooftops
That I hurt within my soul
Losing my sweet child
left me playing some new role

I can't pretend forever
hide these tears that wish to flow
This deep internal sadness
Has continued to just grow

I've begged I've prayed, I've pleaded
That this pain would somehow cease
That I could find some hope in life
A little bit of peace

But since the day I lost you
I just drift through all my days
With deep sorrow,...deep emotion
That will greet my everyday

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
© copyright 2008

The Day After Christmas
The Day After Christmas...

The day after Christmas and all through the house
The packages sit opened, books candles and blouse
The stocking all flat now.. lay down on the floor
My heart that keeps beating hurts down to my core

Another long holiday season has gone
Children had waited for Santa so long
But all that I wanted for Christmas this year
Was again my sweet child who did not appear

No lights on the tree as I sit in the dark
The fireplace not burning, not even a spark
The memories of past Christmases are now bittersweet
For without you for Christmas... life is not complete

I look all around for signs you were here
When out of my eyes come the sprinkle of tears
I miss you so much... words cannot express
And unfortunately with time, others just don't care less

I will pack up the ornaments take down the tree
And again I will ask myself...how can this be
That each holiday that comes causes terrible grief
Each year that does pass has brought little relief

I know in my heart I will hurt endlessly
From this pain I will never be able to flee
Each Christmas that comes will remind me of this....
I just long to hold you... and give you a kiss

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
© December 2006 revised 2007

Dearly Missed
Holiday season is reason enough...
for more tears and heartache, it's terribly tough
Harder than ever with holiday cheer
One more day in another long year

I listen to songs that bring back memories
See all the lights lit up on the trees
It causes such sorrow when you are the one...
without your sweet daughter or handsome young son

Looking for someone to make this wrong right
Gazing at snow as it falls through the night
Watching while others await Christmas Eve...
knowing full well for your child you do grieve

No one remembers... nobody cares
Maybe it's just that they're so unaware
Pain that is present throughout all the year...
makes the holiday season harder to bear

Inside I am weeping... outside I just mask
Missing and wishing while nobody asks
Not one word is mentioned about my sweet child...
so I keep trying to live in denial

Words that have cut right down to my soul
Get over ... move on... your grief has control
I know if they lived with this loss they would be...
unfortunately able to understand me

So while I await the holiday with tears
I will try to remember the wonderful years
When the holiday had promise of sweet happiness
Instead of the child I so dearly miss

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
Copyright © December 2008

Waiting, Wishing and Wondering
I would like to find an answer...
or maybe just a clue
As to why you left for heaven
and I'm left missing you

Is there some big secret...
that's hidden till I die
Why you went on to heaven...
and I'm left here to cry

I'm sure you are quite happy
That heaven is the best
But here on earth there's sorrow
Where once I felt so blessed

I keep it all quite hidden...
knowing all full well
No one wants to listen...
some days are just pure hell

I miss you every second
Your smile and your charm
Special times I hugged you
Or held you in my arms

It's hard to just imagine
I'll have to wait and see...
If someday I will join you
Where we will both be free

So with the hope I've mentioned
I'll try to make it through
Wishing every moment...
For the day I'll be with you

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
© copyright December 2008

To Be Free
Each day I wake to silence
Broken by my tears
With memories of your laughter
So afraid will disappear

Visions of your smile
Such sparkle in your eyes
I never had my moment
To hug, or say goodbye

I seem lost as if I wander
On from day to day
While others all around me
Believe that I'm okay

That is their illusion
What they wish to see
For I have changed forever
I am new to even me

Wishing for a miracle
Asking why each day
Living on my memories
When life was not this way

Years move on around me
Time does not stand still
But deep within my heart
For me it always will

That day my world exploded
My heart and soul died too
Words just can't explain this
I'm so lost here without you

I try so hard to handle
What life has dealt to me
But deep inside my body
I am longing to be free

In Loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
© 2007

Untitled

Sitting in the early morning before the world does wake with the stillness all around me I can feel my heart just ache
No noise to keep me occupied No one around but me I cannot keep my thoughts away so as to be set free
The memories are bittersweet an ocean full of tears Feeling you so close to me but you've been gone for years
Everything is still and quiet Inside I cry with pain One question runs throughout my mind Is this all that remains?
I am told it should be better. . . You are needed here . . Just continue to be strong. . . You will get over it my dear
No one really understands when sorrow lies deep within It stays forever in ones heart emotionally it wears you thin
So as time passes on around me and days turn into years I know the pain of losing you will never disappear
In loving memory of Joey Lyndie Sorenson Copyright March 2006

Untitled

I am looking for a special place A place to not deny all the feelings deep within A place where I can cry
A private world that will accept these tears that flow for you This never ending sorrow A place I can be true
No more hiding from the world pretending I am fine I need to let it all run free No longer walk this line
If others cannot understand that life is not the same I must not waste another day trying to explain
I need to be true to myself and those that really care I will no longer wear my mask My feelings I must bear
So I will show my feelings to a world that has no clue The pain that has me reeling from the day that I lost you
In loving memory of Joey Sorenson Lyndie Sorenson Copyright July 06